Thursday, March 27, 2014

I want another 12 weeks please.

Sad would be the understatement of the year to describe how I feel about my maternity leave being over tomorrow.  As I have seen 3 times before, just as the baby gets more fun, you start to get the hang of things and really "enjoy" life with your new little family member, it is time to return to work. Everyone knows that I love being a nurse and I have always felt it was my "calling" but guess what, being a Mom also is my calling and the two callings compete for each others time and I don't like the stress of time competition!!!  How can I leave this sweet little baby?
How can I leave her sweet sisters?
Despite the obvious struggles of a non-weight gaining sweet new baby coming to live with us, I truly enjoyed immersing myself in motherhood with few other distractions.  Yes, I will be fine, yes I have done it before and I will survive but I will openly admit I have shed tears thinking about leaving these little girls.   They have a great babysitter who treats them like her own grandchildren and a Daddy that would walk through fire for them but I just really enjoyed my time with them and cannot believe it slipped by so quickly.  I know there are other working Moms out there that don't want to hear me complain but I can't help it.  I prayed a long time for baby #4 and I hate the thought of leaving her and her sisters.

I learned a lot after baby #4, a lot that I have to offer with my patients and in general.  I will have to bite my tongue and wait for my patient to ask about my family because I know their labor day is about them....not my family that I will desperately want to talk about after 3 months of hanging out with them.

All i ever really needed to know i learned on my 4th maternity leave:

  • you are always learning, never a pro...even the 4th can throw you for a loop and decide to be in charge.
  • nursing tanks and pajama pants were sent from heaven.
  • feeling a sweet baby rest on your chest, under your chin is a wonderful feeling.
  • a mother's hygiene is one of the first things to suffer when time is limited.  (Steve asked me when I got out of the shower this morning if I even got wet because I just have to rush so much sometimes.)
  • people's comments about having 4 girls bother me so much less now because I feel like I know a little secret.....it is wonderful and we are blessed.
  • even if you don't plan a big space in your children, watching the older children in love with the baby is priceless.
  • my husband is a saint for putting up with my mood swings, tears about our scrawny baby, breastfeeding and going back to work. 
  • caffeine really is a good friend of mine.
  • sometimes your child wants to be queen of the pediatrician's office.  (We have taken her to the office 13 times since she was born!!  A majority of visits for weight checks.)
  • children can be so unaware of the reality that they live in.  The other day Tess said to me in all seriousness, "I hope you have twins someday."  2 things she must not be aware of: 1.We have 4 kids already.  2. I turn 40 in September.
  • 6 people create a lot of laundry
  • It really does take a village and our village is wonderful, thank you.
  • I not only love our girls, I really like them.  The 6 of us really have a fun time together.  
  • 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th child, you cry in the first few weeks because your husband gets to leave the mayhem to go to work and in the last few weeks you cry because you don't want to leave the mayhem.  
  • I don't need to go back to work for social interaction...despite what many people like to ask me.  (People, I do have friends, family, 3 coffee shops within walking distance, 4 kids and a husband....I am not lacking in social interaction.)
  • Things don't necessarily get easier, they change and you acclimate to the new norm.  (Lets not discredit ourselves, we are amazing;)
  • #4 really was a great idea.  Oh how we all love her.  
As you can see, I have learned a lot and am still learning.  Tomorrow is a big day, prayers are very welcomed.  My babies will be fine, but it is hard for me to believe I will.  (My mini-me aka. Syd, had a good cry with me tonight which I thought was very sweet and actually kind of therapeutic.)

Have a good night.
Love, Gina

P.S. See slideshow below with some of my favorite photos from the last 3 months, playing the song that I love to dance with the girls to.  

3 comments:

Naomi said...

Hugs!

stacey said...

Thinking of you so much today and wishing I was there with you instead of sick at home. It's okay to cry, it's a big deal leaving your baby for the first time for this long, and for a 36 hour weekend no less! Praying it goes quick and smooth for you. Love you.

Danica said...

Ah yes. Here is the return. I hope it went well and you cut down to a 0.45!!!! ;)